anger management

11 weeks, 4 days PB.

i've never seen the movie Anger Management starring adam sandler and jack nicholson, but the title perfectly described my thoughts as i drove home from work last week. growing up watching sandler has been mostly fun and laughs, though nicholson can pull some crazy faces as well. this one is a little more famous. nice one, jack!

anyways... earlier this week, a meeting at work had run a little late which meant i left in the heat of traffic time. going to pick up calvin at my parents then heading back home was going to be a major pain in the ass... but i anticipated it. what i didn't anticipate was THIS. yes, that tanker spill surely made my night. i spent almost 2 hours in standstill traffic while HM was upset at me because i forgot to bring home chicken salad. you could feel the snowball growing every minute.

during the drive, i was hollering and screaming; furiously glaring at car's brake lights that were 100 yrds ahead. but after about 30 mins, i realized the only person that was hearing it (besides myself) was calvin. i've told this to people before, but some find it hard to believe -- i have serious ROAD RAGE!! HM has mentioned it to me and i think i've toned it down quite a bit since being married. but sometimes in my 'alone' driving, the devil in me comes out. kinda sad really.

i've learned a lot from my parents and i don't doubt that calvin will do the same. i've had my slip ups with cursing in front of kids (sorry dark mark!), but now that i have my own, the caution signs are well in front of my own face. i just have to see them....and follow them. children will follow in their parents footsteps. i found a video that was interesting:

that last image of the beatdown was scary, right? i can only hope that once baby calvin starts to walk, he'll follow HM around and become a mild mannered physician who studies beyond the need of studying. though the nagging about the forgotten chicken salad wouldn't be missed. (love u, babe!). i think that most parents aspire to be good role models for their kids, but sometimes our emotions (and other bad drivers!) can get the best of us. i have to keep this in mind for the next 20 years.

too make up for bad times, i allowed cal some TV time. i recorded the victoria's secret fashion show (AT HM'S REQUEST - i promise) and we decided to watch as a family. i knew that calvin liked watching tv, but i grew bored of the shows content. c'mon people - u know that tall, american and brazilian models in underwear and angel's wings don't get my attention (i'm lying). my interest this year probably wasn't very strong since my favorite model wasn't there. screw you, orlando bloom! (i tried to find a worse picture but for some reason the internet loves him). meanwhile..... i decided to capture calvin's reaction to what he thought:

that's my son. he was truly angry because commercials interrupted his viewing time of alessandra, adriana, and erin. and if u think cal has learned to be a good actor at the tender age of 2 1/2 months, check out the follow up:

or it just might be that he's a katy perry fan and her banned video. it's for the kids!!!

NFTW (new father tip of the week) - don't forget the chicken salad. AND - don't hit other people in front of your child.

- EZE

hot tub time machine

10 weeks, 5 days PB.

john cusack's latest tribute to 80's throwback movie is another reminder of how good things used to be. i'm going to be one of those fathers who start lectures with "back when i was growing up......" i guess i don't want to say how 'good' things used to be, but rather how much EASIER they were. u think computers simplify really our lives? i would have a great argument to say otherwise.

tomorrow i go back to work after my 2 1/2 week stint of taking care of calvin. i hear comments about how much of a 'stay at home dad' i am. truthfully i don't aspire to stay home to take care of children, but when i now look forward to how much time i WON'T be spending with him, it really is sad. after dropping him off at g.ma's place for the day, both HM and i are going to have 4-5 hours/night with him during the weekdays before putting him to bed. think about that - out of 120 hours we get around 20. during his most important stage of growing, we're going to see 1/6 of everything. and this doesn't even include the 2 feedings, bath, and nap that we have to squeeze in that time frame. my heart sinks at the though of it. for the most part, HM and i try to manage our time wisely.....at least i like to think so. i make lists and she follows routines. now that we've spent time with cal over the past 2 1/2 months, we wonder how much we're really going to miss him daily.

i think back at how my parents managed their time with my sister and i. working in hospitals, they were fortunate enough to work different shifts so that one of them was always with us during our infant years. as we grew older, they changed accordingly. unfortunately, this doesn't work for HM and i (at the moment at least) since both of us are working throughout the daytime. if someone can find a job for me as an insurance analyst from 7pm-7am... please inform me!

almost everyone i know has a fairly similar case. our parents worked their tails off, but seemed to have done it without the use of daycare or leaving us with others for a long time. and they do this so OUR lives can be better than theirs, right? sure we end up making more money, more stability, more success. but the sacrifice is that we become corporate. we all want 9-5 jobs with the weekends off. we also then sacrifice time with our own children. the question is.... is it worth it? i'm guessing that this is all part of every parent's worries.

HM had to option to take more time off for maternity leave than the alloted 2 months. the drawback was that she would have to make up that time after her expected completion of residency (also unpaid!). another Dr (with young children) recommended that she take the time off if she can afford it. there just aren't many opportunities to be with your children at such a young and tender age. HM may not have shown it, but i think she was really torn about doing so. i told her that i would support her either way. she ended up not taking more time. i mean... after 8 years of post graduate work, i'm sure she wanted out too. i don't blame her

i'm sure i'll look back at this time and be glad i took it off. i've seen him go from routinely crying at night to getting 6-7 hours of shuteye. now that's progress, folks!

i leave you with a photo that HM snapped of me after i was exhausted from him crying in my ears for 30 mins. of course, i don't recommend falling asleep with your baby in your arms, but i can't figure a better bonding time. :)

NFTW - be a model father in public. people expect moms to be good already. but dad's get so much more praise even for minor things. take advantage.

-EZE

daddy day camp

8 wks PB.

the face only a parent could love:

my apologies for the lack of posts. calvin has been a handful on his first time parents and i had to put 110% effort into balancing going back to work and life at home. and since i'm not much of a writer, it takes me awhile to muster up good posting material.

first off...calvin is doing well. his parents? not so much. i can't imagine how scared he would be if he really knew about our rookie questions and mistakes. in any case, there should be plenty of future material for me to blog about. since HM only had 2 months of maternity leave (she could have taken more unpaid...along with extending her residency), we decided it would be best if we could get close to 3 months with him before his daily trip to my parents house. i took two weeks of vacation which happens to encompass the thanksgiving holiday. funny how things work out.

and so.... today is HM's first day back at work since the day before delivery. it also marks the first day of taking care of the little guy by myself, hence the blog title of this post. (....interesting, i actually thought eddie murphy was the star of the film. go Cuba!)

it was an interesting day to say the least. calvin didn't sleep until close to 2am last night after a few hours of fussiness. and to go back a few weeks, we've attempted the "try anything that works" method and have come up with mixed results. HM borrowed this book and read it in 2 days. it basically puts your baby on a schedule, which we did have somewhat prior. but the book preaches it to you like clockwork. i told HM we'll try it out.

2 weeks ago, we started noticing some results of our militant schedule as calvin was sleeping for about 3 1/2 hrs, waking up to feed around 1-2am, and then sleep for another 3-3 1/2 hrs. i know it sounds sad, but getting 5-6 hrs of sleep is a GOOD night. i'm not able to run on fumes like i used to.

then last week (during a VERY busy workweek for me), something happened. calvin changed..... and turned into a monster. and not a cute monster like this. i contemplated naming some of these posts "twilight", "blade" or a type of vampire movie. the kid just wouldn't go to bed until 2-3am.... and i'm still not sure if he's only sleeping from pure exhaustion of crying or jerking around all night. even more puzzling is that he is PERFECTLY FINE during the day -- as i experienced first hand today. he eats, plays, sleeps on schedule every 3 hrs. clockwork. though we did notice that once the sun set (earlier now due to daylight savings), his mood changed. hmmm...could he be?!

HM came home a little early today with some good news that her rotation this month is an elective that isn't vital to her internist experience. her attending physician told her that she is free to leave, pump, or tend to calvin as needed. more help for me. awesomeness.

on a debbie downer note.... i would be lying if i told you that i'm the happiest guy in the world. there are times in the middle of the night that i absolutely hate the situation that i'm in. i mean, i'm blessed to have calvin, healthy and kicking. but your mind and body start to crack from sleep deprivation and wondering how bad you are f***ing things up. you question yourself, your spouse, what you are doing, and everyone else who has children. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT MORE OF THIS?!

you feel helplessly alone, yet every parent is more than willing to tell you a story. and even though the outcome of every story is different, most of them start out the same. "my baby was like _____.... and this is what we did". sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. gotta find out what's best for you, right?

1230 am and he's asleep. which means i better do the same. more to come...i promise.

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below are some pictures from calvin's 'one month session' that HM and i thought would be fun to do. we basically borrowed DarkMark's camera and tried out our inner Anne Geddes impression. we should probably stick to our day jobs...

my personal fave... i might be a little biased.

changing this up a little bit....

NFTW (New Father Tip of the Week) -- don't bother worrying about when you and your spouse are going to start having relations again. get some sleep instead!

- EZE

the hand that rocks the cradle

3 wks, 3 days PB.

when this movie came out in the early 90's, rebecca de mornay made one scary ass nanny. it makes you wonder how hollywood comes up with this stuff. the last act of the movie is forever in my head. crazy bitch!

it's 9pm on a saturday night and i'm sitting on the couch with calvin sleeping away next to me. i just finished watching the movie noted above and a thought crossed my mind. HM and i have never seriously discussed hiring a nanny. i'm sure if a situation called for it, we would consider the idea.

as i mentioned in my last post, everything we do now has to be planned with or around the newborn. HM is on her way home from the greek festival with our friends KH/YMK. we make it a tradition to go the festival yearly, but obviously this time around it wasn't so easy for both us to go. toward the end of the week, KH offered bring some of the greek food over to us, but instead i asked if they could take HM out for a few hours. they agreed as long as they got to hang out with cal for a little while.

this past week i went back to work and i'm not going to lie -- it's been one of the toughest weeks ever. my first day back, i only had 2 1/2 hrs of sleep. and since i hadn't done any physical activity in 3 weeks, i decided to run during my lunch break. BIG MISTAKE. after 1pm, my eyes were bloodshoot and i was sweating in my 70 degree office. the rest of the week got a little better for me, but i seriously missed the little guy. i should suggest 3 month paternity leave to my company..... aren't we all about equality?!

unfortunately i can't say HM was as fortunate as i. she had an infection resurface, her milk production was lower than anticipated, and calvin was raising hell during the daytime hours. i would receive texts throughout the day as she counted the hours until i came home. as i walked through the door, she would hand him over to me with a quickness. her disheveled appearance was enough to make me realize that she needed to get out. it didn't help that the weather had been perfect for two weeks (in houston, at least) and she had been inside 98% of the time.

since this blog is supposed to be from a first time father's point of view - here is my Father Tip of the Week (FTW):

-- in the first few weeks of birth, mothers will become attached to the child and never want to leave him/her. i recommend letting mom out for a few hours while you agree to take care of the baby. she can shop, go out with friends, eat, or just simply read a book. whatever a father can do to make a new mom feel whole every now and then will yield some serious return on investment in the long run. stressed mom + stressed baby = bad news for dad.

time to put the kiddo to bed.

- EZE