8 wks PB.
the face only a parent could love:
my apologies for the lack of posts. calvin has been a handful on his first time parents and i had to put 110% effort into balancing going back to work and life at home. and since i'm not much of a writer, it takes me awhile to muster up good posting material.
first off...calvin is doing well. his parents? not so much. i can't imagine how scared he would be if he really knew about our rookie questions and mistakes. in any case, there should be plenty of future material for me to blog about. since HM only had 2 months of maternity leave (she could have taken more unpaid...along with extending her residency), we decided it would be best if we could get close to 3 months with him before his daily trip to my parents house. i took two weeks of vacation which happens to encompass the thanksgiving holiday. funny how things work out.
and so.... today is HM's first day back at work since the day before delivery. it also marks the first day of taking care of the little guy by myself, hence the blog title of this post. (....interesting, i actually thought eddie murphy was the star of the film. go Cuba!)
it was an interesting day to say the least. calvin didn't sleep until close to 2am last night after a few hours of fussiness. and to go back a few weeks, we've attempted the "try anything that works" method and have come up with mixed results. HM borrowed this book and read it in 2 days. it basically puts your baby on a schedule, which we did have somewhat prior. but the book preaches it to you like clockwork. i told HM we'll try it out.
2 weeks ago, we started noticing some results of our militant schedule as calvin was sleeping for about 3 1/2 hrs, waking up to feed around 1-2am, and then sleep for another 3-3 1/2 hrs. i know it sounds sad, but getting 5-6 hrs of sleep is a GOOD night. i'm not able to run on fumes like i used to.
then last week (during a VERY busy workweek for me), something happened. calvin changed..... and turned into a monster. and not a cute monster like this. i contemplated naming some of these posts "twilight", "blade" or a type of vampire movie. the kid just wouldn't go to bed until 2-3am.... and i'm still not sure if he's only sleeping from pure exhaustion of crying or jerking around all night. even more puzzling is that he is PERFECTLY FINE during the day -- as i experienced first hand today. he eats, plays, sleeps on schedule every 3 hrs. clockwork. though we did notice that once the sun set (earlier now due to daylight savings), his mood changed. hmmm...could he be?!
HM came home a little early today with some good news that her rotation this month is an elective that isn't vital to her internist experience. her attending physician told her that she is free to leave, pump, or tend to calvin as needed. more help for me. awesomeness.
on a debbie downer note.... i would be lying if i told you that i'm the happiest guy in the world. there are times in the middle of the night that i absolutely hate the situation that i'm in. i mean, i'm blessed to have calvin, healthy and kicking. but your mind and body start to crack from sleep deprivation and wondering how bad you are f***ing things up. you question yourself, your spouse, what you are doing, and everyone else who has children. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT MORE OF THIS?!
you feel helplessly alone, yet every parent is more than willing to tell you a story. and even though the outcome of every story is different, most of them start out the same. "my baby was like _____.... and this is what we did". sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. gotta find out what's best for you, right?
1230 am and he's asleep. which means i better do the same. more to come...i promise.
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below are some pictures from calvin's 'one month session' that HM and i thought would be fun to do. we basically borrowed DarkMark's camera and tried out our inner Anne Geddes impression. we should probably stick to our day jobs...
changing this up a little bit....
NFTW (New Father Tip of the Week) -- don't bother worrying about when you and your spouse are going to start having relations again. get some sleep instead!
- EZE
welcome to parenthood! Four years in and i still feel as unquestionably neurotic and insecure about my parenting abilities as i did the day we took hannah home from her bili treatments.
ReplyDeletelighter note...it does get better...for moments at a time, even days sometimes!
You'll always question your abilities and choices. I've been doing this 9 years now with two different ones...and there's always something new to question. Always a new phase of "oh crap, NOW what do I do?" But it does get easier. Definitely. And let me just say that the feelings you have sometimes in the middle of the night, when you're so tired you can't even think or see straight, and want to yell at inanimate objects....totally normal. I used to sit in bed at 2am feeding Tristan after he'd JUST gone to sleep an hour and a half prior..and I'd cry. I told myself I don't think I could handle another one. But then I had Lucas and did it all over again. You're going to see how fast time flies.
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