the percentage game.

on january 22nd i received a phone call from HM. i was over at T&R’s house for a casino night where i was currently winning at roulette. HM wasn’t able to go since she had to work the next morning. it was fairly early, around 10pm i believe, and my mind was free, courtesy of the dynamic duo of vodka and club soda. the conversation went something like this:

EM: hey babe!
HM: what are u doing? (very seriously)
EM: playing roulette! i’m winning.
HM: oh. where is everyone else?
EM: around. playing blackjack, roulette, and poker.
HM: oh. guess what?
EM: what?
HM: i’m pregnant.
EM: *stands up, walks away from table*… huh?
HM: i bought a test and it had a positive sign. i think i’m pregnant.
EM: really? you didn’t tell me anything before. are you sure?
HM: that’s what it said
EM: which kind is it?
HM: up and up – the target brand.
EM: up and up? what the? let me sober up, i’ll be home in a bit.

i went home that night with a lot of things racing through my mind. pregnant? nah. really? up and up? what the heck is that? positive sign. hmm. i’m gonna be a dad? i’d be a pretty cool dad. up and up? i should go to target and get another test. she can’t be pregnant. we’ve hardly seen each other much in the past two months. i wonder if it’s a boy or girl. a boy would be cool. so would a girl. i had a 50% chance of belief that this was really happening. damn, i gotta get home.

when i got upstairs, HM was waiting for me with an anxious face. i looked at the test and it had a very evident horizontal sign. the vertical crossing line however was faint. the directions state: the positive line test may not be as evident as the horizontal line. that’s it? ok – so what does that mean? does a faint line still mean positive-yes or positive-maybe not? now i’m about 60% in belief, but what the heck is this up and up brand?! i told HM we’ll go back to target and buy a better known test. she agreed.

the next night, we took two First Response brand tests. the tests has a two vertical line system. one line, not pregnant - two lines, pregnant. both tests ended up displaying 2 lines, but the 2nd line still faint. directions state: the 2nd vertical line may not be as dark as the 1st line. these tests are confusing. why can’t they clarify “a faint line still means pregnancy is more likely. consult your doctor.” i mean, the first lines are always clear on these tests…which basically means that the test knows that it’s been pissed on. other than that…the 2nd lines are almost useless……75%.
we both talked about it the next few nights. HM started sleeping a lot, but she was also putting in around 70-80 hrs/week at work. one morning, she couldn’t hold down her breakfast. hmm, that’s never happened before. my believe… rising.

on my way home from work that week, i made an impromptu stop at walgreens. i found a digital E.P.T. test that gave a readout: PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. perfect! $21 for 3 tests, but that’s the price you pay for clarity. i surprised HM with the tests and told her i wanted to be more sure. 2 tests later – PREGNANT. 90%. for the while next week, she couldn’t hold down food in the morning.

we didn’t really want to tell anyone until after seeing the ob/gyn first. the ob/gyn we wanted only took referrals. so i called my good friends MR and GR. i told them how i was 95% sure after all that’s happened.

MR: 95%? what else do u need to know? she’s pregnant man.
EM: dude… i will only be totally sure until i see the ultrasound.
MR: hahahahaha – you’re crazy. believe it!

on tuesday february 23, the most amazing picture i’ve ever seen came up on a little black and white screen. i said hello to my child for the first time. though i couldn’t express anything by touch or speak, i stared in awe that this little salt-and-pepper picture was moving inside my wife. i created that? wait – WE created that. you have a very active baby, Dr. D said to us. he/she was saying hello back. HM and i glanced at each other, both thinking about the past month of emotion and uncertainty that we had just endured.

absolutely, positively, 100%.


  1. you know, i got half way through till i realized this is YOUR blog. i was reading it thinking, 'hey this sounds like what EZE was going through, almost EXACTLY!' hahaha. good stuff man. you should write more. you have a knack for building up a story in a dave berry sort of way.

  2. Up and up? It's Target's brand! Your blogs are entertaining Pops!


  3. Wow! Hang told me you had started a blog! How awesome! Now I don't have to ask a hundred questions when I finally get to speak to HANG! Yay! I wish I was as entertaining in mine as you are in yours! HILARIOUS!