imperfection

i used yesterday (mother's day) as a time to recover. on saturday night, we attended the wedding of a friend that i've known since 3rd grade. it was an evening full of high school memories, oodles of food and drink, and good times. the following 24 hrs... not so great.

upon HM driving me home, my midnight food craving crept in. i was being loud and obnoxious, ranting and raving about complete randomness. when we arrived at home, HM and i were debating about a topic that i can't even recall, though i'm sure she was right. it seems that imbibing on tito's and cranberry didn't assist me in my argument.

though usually i get more talkative (and annoying) after such an event, i normally am good at being aware of my surroundings, time and place. given that it was past midnight, i should have smiled and said, "happy mother's day, babe" to my lovely wife. i'm remarkable about remembering dates, anniversaries, and milestones.

instead - i went off on a tangent thinking nothing of it... then blurbed out some more words, and went to bed. i woke up at 630am to a rapidly pacing heartbeat with an equally pounding headache. my mouth dehydrated, i rolled over and wrapped my arm around HM's belly. she shoved me away and said she was upset. i thought i knew it was because of my immature behavior from the prior evening, but it was much more.

around midnight, HM told me that i hadn't wished her a happy mother's day --- and in my drunken stupor, i apparently said she was not a mother yet.

i laid in silence for a moment, taking it all in. she started to sniffle, and though she wasn't facing me, i could feel the tears running down her face. my own eyes started to water. how could i have been such an asshole? i pulled her closer.....she resisted, but eventually gave in. i held her close to my chest as my nose sniffed her perfume on her neck from the prior evening. i apologized. i told her that i never meant any harm and there was no excuse for my behavior. we laid together for a few moments, slight tension still between our bodies. an even though HM is never one to say the words, it only takes her accepting hands to let me know i'm forgiven.

i'm not a faultless husband, nor have i ever claimed to be. i make plenty of mistakes and i'm grown enough to admit and learn from them. i feel that HM and i have impeccable communication with each other and i'm comfortable knowing that we understand the human errors we both share. lesson most definitely learned.

this post is dedicated to you, my love -- happy belated mother's day.

-EM